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Welcome to my journey!

Oh! the journey… I have stories and a whole lot of interesting stuff-to ease your mind after a some of the depressing stories I have but I’ll keep them light 🙂

My life is a rollercoaster, I know it is kind of cliché to say that but it is true (but anyways, who’s life isn’t) *shrugs*

I would like to share my stories and experiences. What makes me who I am and all the lessons. *Thought* Maybe my therapist should have recommended this… 🙂

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Catching feelings

What we had was a phase, I can’t believe I would want such a messed up case.

Everything about you is wrong, yet that somehow thrills me.

I can’t stop thinking about a faded future.

I can’t believe, I believe in a misguided fantasy.

You are a little bit of happiness yet you fade quickly.

CAUGHT…

I bring you up in every conversation.

I hope that they bring you up in every conversation.

I try and try to prolong every conversation.

I want to talk about your fucked up life.

I want to hear how lovely you can be.

I want to know your thoughts about me from them.

Because…

I want to be with you.

Even though…

My voice of reason be like:

“No!”

“No good”

“No future!”

“No, don’t play yourself”

I want you.

I dream you.

I lust you.

FEELINGS…

I know they aren’t real.

I know it’s temporary.

I know it’s never gonna end well.

I know you are not for me.

Yet I CAUGHT FEELINGS.

@darkpurpletales

You don’t say nice things…

There’s everything worse when it comes to confusion.

Where you are just stuck between the true meaning, the assumptions and the lie that soothes.

Confusion is when you simply don’t know how to choose a way out when the options are looking at you.

But then again, all options have a detrimental outcome to emotions.

Whoever puts you in that confusion know that they don’t say nice things to you…

It is not nice when you say “I Love you” but you yourself are confused by that, yet you shift your confusion to me because you think it will cure yours- right?

Now I have three options: True, Assumptions, Lie.

Problems:

1. True: however that makes you more confused and mistakes are inevitable.

2. Assumptions: those are always wrong because no one really knows the answer.

3. Lie: soothes me for a short period until it’s tired.

I never know how to comprehend the things you say…

The “I Love you” meant for me is not nice to endure because I never know where I stand with you… Simply because you don’t say nice things.

Being in my 20s

feeling purple…

Turning 18 was fun… Turning 19 was great… Turning 20 was the scariest thing ever for me…

Well, of course it didn’t help that my friends were ahead of me with age and they normally share experiences with me, as my ‘predecessors’ … Most experiences will differ by 2 years or so but the things they said were almost as if I didn’t spend most of my days with them, Just so different!

I was more afraid because I am a planner, an anxious planner. And trust me it’s like the 20s don’t give a …/.. about any plans you put for yourself. A few are lucky to be living out their plans but in my opinion about 80% of people in their 20’s are just winging it, going with chance, with the wind, the flow, allowing God’s plan, letting the universe decide for them, following instinct, believing, and my favourite cliche quote “seeing what happens”; whatever phrase you choose *shrugs*

Twenties are a mystery and it is full of pressure. Oh it really is, everyone expects to find themselves there. When I turned 20, my friend told me that “If the foundation is messed up, the house will be out of shape and it definitely will not last longer“. OMG!! That statement carried a lot of pun thus making it heavy and if you think about it, covers all the things you are told you are suppose to do or have when you are in your twenties, before you grow old.

Gosh, I didn’t know where to start! so I would always browse the internet to try and figure it all out, I’m sure we all did or still do because; Man! it is a subtle bloodbath in that 20’s pot. Case in point, see below the number of advises you find in the net, so those who are still confused and 19 thread carefully.

The standard Pressure List!!!

Finish school

Build your career

Investing for your future

Get a stable relationship/get married

First car

Kids

The Pressure List!!!

Those are some of the expectations of 20’s and Thank God for the “In your lane” movement because it is hard. However, no matter how much we preach “In your lane, in your pace”, the anxiety does kick in from time to time. I know this because like I said I am Planner and twenties don’t give a flying fish about your plans in all its mysteries.

Like me, we all worry about a million thing during our 20’s.

The questions that come to me the most are:

  1. What do I want?
  2. What did I want to do with my life?
  3. Am I fulfilling my purpose in life?
  4. Where do I see my self 10 years?
  5. Am I ready for the next 10 years?
  6. Where do I fit in?

This is the anxiety planning I was talking about and so far it makes me scared even more. I also see this anxiety in my predecessors; my friends, my cousins and acquaintances. You may empower yourself and say “I am just winging it, I’ll see what happens” and I am not discouraging anyone here but honey, the pressure will always be there.

The problem is not us, it is the system that was created by someone somewhere, it is marginalized in such a way that forces us not feel great about ourselves, for that short while.

The chapter 20 is daunting and I am constantly wondering how to get by.

Haha I really do not have any profound “feel good” ending, just sharing my experiences of being in my 20’s… what could yours be? Let’s vent… *Smile*

Venting sessions… Now every Friday.

My season colour…

Red❤️

The red outfit that set things in the right order.

I used to be resistant to colours that are bright, I was scared; meaning my comfort zone was being in the dark and away from people’s attention. Which can be hard when considering other factors on my whole being😀.

This red season started on my birthday in the first week of March (I’m still a #Darkpurple but it’s good to be diverse-learned that late). Before March I bought myself red heels to dare myself, see how it would feel and I felt unstoppable 😋 Red + heels= BOLD❗

Then on the 7th of March (my birthday day), I wore a red little crop t-shirt and my dare heels… I felt too good.

My boss then got me a red bag… That’s a sign -don’t you think? Well, it meant something to me. My birthday was the dawn of new things, new colours.

Colours have different meanings to people such as:

Use colours to promote those qualities you wish to emphasize. Use them in your surroundings for qualities you wish to emphasize permanently. Wear clothes of appropriate colors to promote those qualities in a particular situation. You can also use colors simply by visualizing them, whether to promote their qualities or to exploit their healing energy for yourself or others.” – Unknown writer

After these dresses I believed that Red ❤️ is my season/spirit colour for 2019 and I am embracing it fully.

This colour has taught me to love myself and be proud about it. See more below:

What’s your season colour? What does it mean to you? Check out this web http://new-age-spirituality.com/spirit/color.html

And let’s talk…

A Tedious Journey… Natural hair😬

Okay, natural hair is nice and glorious but there are things you need to be ready for, before committing:

True but scary story: so I read somewhere that “Getting mad at your hair is a whole other type of angry”… They are right.

I have a year and 3 months into this long, long, long journey ahead and OMG sometimes I just get so mad and I either want to straighten my hair with chemicals or simply cut it💇.

Recently, it shrank and knotted – I didn’t know what to do with it. My scalp was itching like crazy: everything just hurt from the neck, up! My last resort was to cut it!!!! I was ready but then again I would have wasted 15 months of my beautiful work (and money). Ncoooah so you thought when you go natural you save? No honey you don’t, I wish somebody had told me about the money part beforehand. I learnt that you spend just as much but with great benefits. Keep reading sweetie

I wanted to cut this beautiful crown about 3 days ago… Now look at it after washing and the labour🙆.

Natural hair has great benefits. There are so many but I’ll just list mine;

  1. Gorgeous, magical hair.
  2. My hair is fuller… Fills out my scalp.
  3. Healthy hair- Shrinkage means health.
  4. My edges have grown nicely.
  5. Longer
  6. Thick and strong.

Although natural hair can be great, it will test you- believe me you, it 👏will👏test👏 yooou.

There are few things you need to know about your hair so that you find the right products that help your hair to grow well such as;

  1. Your hair type; are you a type 1 (straight), type 2 (wavy), type 3 (curly) or type 4 (coily)- these are then sub-classified (a,b,c) for diameter.
  2. Hair density; how much hair you have.
  3. Hair porosity- the hair’s ability to absorb and retain moisture.
  4. Greasiness; dry, oily or combination hair
  5. I checked for hair elasticity after 3 months of growth because I did the big chop instead of transitioning.

Once all the admin above is done… Then be ready for more work…. To be highlighted in the next post…🤗

Before I end this, let me tell you; I sometimes want to quit but then remember why I started…

I hated having relaxed hair, I always had dandruff that wouldn’t budge, it was too soft and a little too silky for me thus unmanageable, the density was thin, I lost my edges and I always had a bit of a bald spot at the back.

The main reason is that I see natural hair as a healthy choice is because my hair; 15 months ago was always thin and brittle most times ( even now I am fighting a battle of low porosity). It was time for a healthy change.

I’m not a hair expect but I do what’s best for my hair.

Follow: http://www.cravingyellow.com Tabitha will make you fall in love with this journey- it is tedious but rewarding.

See you in the next post… #Dark96purple 💜💜💜💜

My Favourite “Change” quotes…

“Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.”_Arnold Bennett

“True life is lived when tiny changes occur.” _Leo Tolstoy

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”_Lao Tzu

“Change is inevitable. Change is constant.”_ Benjamin Disraeli

I sometimes struggle with change… I am always afraid of things going wrong. I may want certain things to change and sometimes initiate it but I I’m never really ready for it.🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

I have learnt though that “There is no growth in the comfort zone” and that I should stop anticipating failure but look forward to what could be right about the outcome.

Learn just like I did; be ready for change, embrace change with a positive attitude and you’ll be glad you did.

My purple emotions to yours- let’s be positive!!!!

#Dark96purple 💜💜

To lose weight… Or Not?

I’m stuck between wanting to lose weight and staying the way I am.

Pic taken on 23 March 2019


I used to hate my body when I was young, it’s hard loving yourself when your biggest enemy is your mom-trust me. On the other hand I am surrounded by people who teach me how to embrace and appreciate my body the way it is, because in their words “it’s rare”

However, it can be very overwhelming and I just wake up one day and want to cut off the extra curves… *Smile* Lol of course I won’t. Let’s start with the cons below:

  1. Having my body grabs lot of attention- so far it’s attention that is 80% not good (I get scared) and 20% great (bless their hearts)
  2. Biggest problem- my body had turned me into a girl who hates shopping because over the years I believe that my hips and butt grow 10% more than the normal rates (estimation here_don’t shoot me) and with this growth I can never find anything that fits or have just one reliable store for me.
  3. Things may look good put on but damn that’s a lot of work 😟put into that- overwhelming beyond.
  4. Thirsty men!!!!🙄
  5. Constant back pain- it’s heavy outchea 😁
  6. Haha I can’t even twerk so save my life 😂😅

And now let’s look at the pros…

  1. I look great
  2. Still have my small waist-ish😝
  3. Healthy regardless
  4. I got nothing….❔

The cons out weigh the pros but to be completely honest… I don’t think that losing weight is going to help my situation, because these curves are a family thing (daddy’s side-thats why my mom had an attitude 😬).

I once tried losing weight but I only lost everything else and my hips stayed like that… I looked like I was sick, even.my mom got worried.

So to lose weight or not????

What would you do?

Instagram post… Thicky thick

Crush+ Music= Winner!

Music is the strongest form of Magic“_ Marilyn Manson

when a person is crushing on you and you know… best feeling ever!

So I found out that this guy has a massive crush on me and he is making the effort, I tell you… I’m mesmerized *Heart*

I am always the one with crush on other people, this just feels amazing. The sweetest things are being done for me on a daily basis, that so cool.

I am not a fairy tale kind of person and my mind keeps telling me that it is going to be over soon- really not a worse case scenario! but because I am a quick pessimist sometimes, I will try to enjoy this feeling of being adored for this while.

A playlist of 30 songs was made for me (how great is that), this is basically a mix tape like back in the day, trust me the effort is appreciated. I am also an old soul thus I like being pursued like in this oldies style. I love it- I finished 30 songs in a day and some on repeat too…

Mr crush made me a Playlist of 30 songs…

Amazing songs and i am also discovering some artists.

Dedication: Mr Crush, You scored big. Music is the best aphrodisiac ever. Music conveys the message better than anything else in the world.. poetry with sound.

How i feel when listening to those songs.

Thank you Mr Crush… #DARK96purple loves music

My Natural Hair Journey

My ‘fro life.

Natural hair “revolution”… it transformed us, it empowered us and it made us proud of our kinks and coils. I believe it caught fire in South Africa a bit late but nonetheless, for me, it is here to stay.

I have been relaxing my hair ever since I was 4 years old, hair relaxing was my bond with my mother. I inherited both my mother’s super soft coils and a bit of my father’s kinks-so I have semi-soft hair. Relaxing/chemically straighten hair so far is the easiest way to go however, hair also works in its own tune (I should know).

My hair was not always bad with the relaxer, its just that, I had a genius idea of coloring it on the ends-boy was I ruined. I decided to stop relaxing my hair in November 2017 so that the curls will build up naturally and then I did the Big Chop in January 2018.

January 2018- The Big Chop!!! I chopped all ends that were still relaxed and left all the coils that were developing.

It was really scary, but i had to because my hair was greatly damaged. 2019 is my first full year with natural hair. Believe me you sometimes I get frustrated and wish i could just relax it or chop it off again because natural hair is a lot of work and really expensive.

At the end of the day, natural hair is rewarding because my hair feels full, the curls are fluffy and cute. I would not change a thing trust me. I will talk about my natural stories every now and then.

Curves, Curves, Curves


Curve; a curving contour of a woman’s figure. 

Being Curvy… There are so many definitions of curves, or women with curves. what ever the definition… I’m there.

I’m in a *braggatory* mood today… Well, its about time!!!. I have always been in the shadows about my body-up until 2016.

I have been making progress with that sort of acceptance. I grew up in a time and community that frowned upon things that they do not understand, such as my body. It was so bad that even my mother discouraged my bodily confidence-that was painful and it sucks big time.

My horizontal growth *smile* showed when I was a young kid, that is; I was born this way. I can’t change it, I can’t hide it but I had to TRY to conceal it. People will body shame you even though the rest of the world sees beauty. I have an elaborate body structure so much that my body doesn’t fit my age.

Thank God for Nicki Minaj for making curves an admired thing and beautiful thing for us in the shadows of a small rural community and Thickleeyonce for making us understand that our bodies are an African jewel and she made body acceptance fashionable.

I love me now and I appreciate God for this… Curves

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